along the way
“Wandering around our America has changed me more than I thought. I am not me anymore. At least I am not the same me I was.” Ernesto “Che” Guevara.
I think back to the time before I left, when I was sitting on the floor in my apartment alone, planning my trip and watching the movie The Motorcycle Diaries. It is about young Ernesto Guevara before he was known as Che. It is about a moment in his life that changed him into the person he was to become. It is a story about two friends who set out on a journey into South America, a land they lived in but never knew. The path they chose was to travel. They didn’t have any specific reason to take this journey, except to end their time at a leper colony in Peru. Though what came of it was unexpected to young Che. Each person he met along the way had some sort of impact on his life, his thinking, his heart, and ultimately changing his view on the world he knew. He realized another world existed, and for many people, it was an unjust one. He saw the injustice of what was happening to the people of his land; who had no voice and no way of standing up for themselves. He learned from the people who passed his path along the way; them traveling on to their next destination, but leaving an imprint on his life; changing him in ways he did not think possible.
The reason I am telling you about this is because of what happened along the way in his journey is what I am coming to see develop from mine.
Not just two months ago I set out on a journey into the unknown. I had some expectations of what I wanted to come from this trip, but never did I realize I would be so impacted by the people I have met a long the way. I have come to the conclusion that I will not come to the conclusion of what I am supposed to be doing with the rest of my life by the end of this trip. Something I expected to figure out while traveling. Which makes me a little anxious when I really sit and think about it. I quit my jobs to set out on this journey of self realization. Before this trip, I knew I had to make some changes in my life. I was not happy, even though I had met the goals I had set out to meet. I was still unhappy in life. I was very scared to make this leap into the unknown because if nothing else I had security back home, my family and my work. Though not the same journey as young Che nor the same conclusion, I too have been changed by this land, by the travelers and by its people I have met along the way.
I have learned to be ok with being alone. Something that I had a difficult time with before. I was in one bad relationship after another, always trying to find my happiness in the other person. But there is something about traveling that makes you realize it is ok to be alone. And when I say alone, I mean not in a relationship. Because in reality we are never really alone. The world is a large place, the possibilities are endless, filled with kind-hearted people; people who will help you along the way and release you when the time is right. I have tried so hard to be independent and strong this whole time, trying to deal with the decisions I have made in the past. I have been trying to do everything on my own, stubbornly in fact, and have made little progress. But being here and traveling by myself, I have realized that you need people to help you along the way. And really if you fight that, life is going to be hard as hell! While traveling around South America and many times at the mercy of others, strangers really, I have become open to being helped. I know this sounds ridiculous, but for so long it has been all about me and myself and what I can do on my own-and I have gotten nowhere. But now I truly feel I am getting somewhere and full heartedly believe it is because of this…
The “Physics of the Quest.” I read this in the book Eat, Pray, Love. As cliche as that may sound, this rings true to what I have set out to do and what I have been experiencing along the way. The Quest Physics goes something like this-“If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey(either externally or internally),and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared-most of all-to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself…then truth will not be withheld from you.” Elizabeth Gilbert
It is true, I have yet to come to a conclusion, but thinking back on before I left, there is no doubt in my being that I have become changed by this land. In what way, I am not quite sure yet. The direction of my life is an ever spinning compass-the arrow has yet to land on its destination, pointing me in which path to travel down next. I do know this however-I am going to enjoy the ride!