I, me
I, me
Who I am
This is about me
Who I was before
And who I am after
My views
My thoughts
What is in my head
The things that I have said
To the things I have kept inside
I struggle to find truth
My struggle to find love
The struggle to find understanding
So here I am
The person I was
To the person I am now
Yet something inside
Makes me want to hide
I don’t want to dig down deep
I fear I will be too weak
The past seasons of life have been hard
To crawl into my heart
This won’t be pretty
Even now it beats fast
Trying to resist what lies ahead
My identity
That is what is at stake
I do not want to be fake, but real
So I will take you back to a time
A time of before
Reality
Before
God was simple
Easy to find
Easy to feel
Like a one stop shop
He had pocket appeal
Never did I forsake him
Never did I mistake him
I stuck him in my heart
And he played a part
In my life
Thought I knew him
Thought I understood him
Little did I know
Thought life was about saving
Lived life craving, peoples souls
Thought too hard
Never questioning
Always receiving
Everything as truth
All that my pastor said
Led me to comfort
Showed me contentment
Lived life full of resentment
Church was social
To be a Christian was holy
Taught the right things to say
I had the way
The way, the truth, the life
I knew who I was
Where I was going
Learning how to combat people with Scripture
Ready to go out into the world
Thinking I had the full picture
I was wrong
After
Reality hit
Started questioning
Who I was
Who God was
Who I was raised to be
Dropped everything I believed
Started fresh and new
Explored
Questioned
Seeking truth
Everyone thought I had lost my faith
No one saw me seeking to find it
Still am
I see the world through different eyes
A new world pictionary
After this term
More questions rise
Feeling as if I have been fed lies
My world outlook
Changed to our world
Stepping into a world that was theirs
Here but a glimpse
Gone tomorrow
Wanting to help
Shown the way, the truth, the life
But choosing differently
Taught by the prophet on the street
Magazine given in exchange for lunch
Eyes kissed with mace
The weeping of children
I am caressed with privilege
Hands can’t touch importance
The air breathed is filled with Animosity
No longer can the taste of suffering be eaten and swallowed
We say, but it is
The warmth of the sun has turned to ice on the lips
The legs and arms have become sticks
Whose only use is to beat change back to its rightful place
One day turns into a thousand lifetimes
The world spins on the blood of its people
A man stands on the corner with no words to express his needs
Light shows through the window
But still hides from darkness
The law tells its people “Three strikes and your out!”
Ignorance blankets our society
The sent of brutality hangs in the air
The volume of pain is let on parole
To be pardoned of its destruction
Reality penetrates every thought
Unity has become rancid
Separating good from bad
Relinquishing to repetition
Fertilizing this earth with the sweat from our brows
Never ceasing to a time well spent
Harmony was once heard from the mountaintops
But contradiction seems to be the only one singing now
Circumstance leads our life
A blend of bliss and blessed fall off our tongues
An asocial society has been born
The gardens have been ripped out
Because money lies within
Generosity was once our mascot
But no longer fed to the hungry children
Learning about others use to be our path
But leprosy has eaten away our love
The sun has fallen on the dawn of day
The body is nourished with greed
The riddle of life is a dance
A dance of scrutiny
Hate is the trigger of violence
A humans worth is cast to the side with a one-night stand
Hope is contaminated
What will come from this consumption?
Torn from touch
This composition of music we call life
The potion we drink is poison
When will we look in the mirror and see exactly who we are?
Our reflection is distorted
The figure looking back is hazy
We are lazy
Heated with fury
Our jails are like new growth in a forest
A forest filled with executions
A forest filled with elusions
Life, Liberty, and Freedom
That’s what we scream
But life is death
Liberty is confined
And freedom is another word for slavery
Emerging from the mist of confusion
Blood falls down each other’s faces
A deep crimson flowing against the white washed walls of our society
We want to live long
But our streets are littered with bullets
Aimed not at our hearts
But at our intelligence
Schools are failing
Instead of a place of learning
It is a mirage
Thinking you see a pool of knowledge
When it is a dead sea filled with simplified answers
A tangled web of mass destruction we weave
Walking this path of love is not so easy anymore
My mercy has turned to stone.
My heart in pieces not even worth putting together
My love is leaving me
I am drained of all compassion
I long to weep but now all my tears are gone
No longer able to be touched
My insides are scrapped clean
No feeling left within me
Where have I gone?
When will my questions have answers?
When will my people from all walks of life have love?
When will we be seen and our voices heard?
When will we be understood?
When will our realities be shown as truth to the rest of us?
Life continues to live, but when will it have breath?
So saddened my heart is
You have left understanding
You have bound learning from your experience
Desperate I am for you to see
You turn down my asking price
I want you to live
Yet you are so content to die
Taking your night cap of Ignorance
Does it warm your soul?
Falling asleep on the filth of this world
Keeping warm under the blankets of injustice
Dreaming of tomorrow
Knowing that it is yours to live
Waking up to the dawn of enrichment
To only close it to the darkness of your reality
Devastated I am
You greet the world with a smile
Hiding your hatred deep within
Walking by hopelessness with his outstretched hands
While mercy burns a whole in your pocket
Arriving at your gated institution
Sitting in the front row
Raising your hands to change
While love is suffocating from racism
The speech of acceptance is over
Deciding to live differently
Rising from who you used to be
Walking passed the man who sees beauty in a rainbow
Ignoring, escaping explanation
Straight to your home
Sitting in comfort
Choosing to do the following again next week
And seeing it as growing in the Christian experience of beauty
My heart is in such despair
It has never hurt so badly
Where is God?
You say that you are a God of love and justice
But I see neither here
All there is is death
People’s lives are cut to short here
God how can you be at work?
How can I be joyful when you are doing nothing?
How am I supposed to believe in you and have faith in you?
When all I see is hearts breaking?
People who are living on the streets
Will die on the streets
And die alone and cold
Where is their warmth?
Children will be killed
At a time way before they are meant to go
How am I supposed to handle that?
I feel hopeless and alone
I can’t handle the pain I see in the eyes of these people
Once our eyes connect
My heart becomes attached to their suffering
Where is the justice?
Where is the love?
Oh my God, where are you?
How does your promise fit here?
So where am I left now
As you can see
Life before was easy and carefree
So much shorter
But now everyday is like a lifetime
A race to gain more knowledge about our world
Never wandering back to who I was
Striving for who I want to be
But who is that person starring back at me
What will life be like now?
Who is God in all of this?
Who am I in all of this?
My path has split in two
Arriving at a decision
Right or left
Which to choose
This is my next step
Figure out the path that lies within
To look at self
And to know self
But one question still remains
Who am I?
Me?